The One My Soul Loves
It’s not just a union of two persons. Matrimony is the celebration and ongoing commitment to each other and to the Sacrament. My husband Tyler and I are coming up on 5 years of being married and, although our lives are mostly laughter, security, and growth, it is still a daily intentional decision to be patient, kind, loving, and enduring, especially when the hardships inevitably come.
Our path to the married life was unique. I found myself a freshman at Florida State University never having dated despite my longing for a relationship since the 6th grade. Fast-forward to the beginning of my senior year and still no one had reciprocated interest. I was part of the Catholic Student Union (CSU) at FSU that was overflowing with holy, faithful (and handsome) bachelors, and yet I felt hopeless in my journey towards my vocation to marriage. (Note: I had already honestly discerned that Religious Life was not my path, but that is a different story). I had told God for years in prayer that I was “OK with waiting” and “trusted in His plan”, but in my heart of hearts, I never trully laid my desires at His feet. I unconsciously held onto control of what I thought should happen and when. At least that was until the middle of the fall semester my senior year when I was having coffee with my women’s group leader. I looked up to her and trusted her with so much while I shared with her my fear of leaving our community without having found “the one” and moving away not even knowing where to start to find love. I don’t remember her exact words, but they were absolutely inspired by the Holy Spirit and I left our coffee talk feeling like I could finally relinquish one of my life’s most important plans to the Lord. I felt a freedom that I still remember today because I didn’t have to exhaust myself trying to make something happen; because I realized God loves me enough to give me good things exactly when I need them.
Amazing things happen when you make way for the Lord to work. Later that fall, I was reacquainted to a guy I had met in CSU a year earlier, Tyler. We got to know each other more through Senior activities, and he asked me out on my first date right before Christmas break. We dated throughout our last semester in college together and it was wonderful! The only problem was, long before we started our relationship, I had already committed to a year of mission work for the following school year that required me to move to Boston. That summer we seriously discerned together and took on the challenge of long-distance dating. One year turned into two, but we were confident that the Lord was using the time to prepare us for something great. The details of how we endured all that time are too lengthy for now, but if you need advice on long-distance relationships, I’m happy to share J [link to email kaflood16@gmail.com]
Anyway, sometime during our second year apart, we knew we had “found the one whom our soul loves” (Song of Solomon 3:4). Cheesy Catholic alert, but it’s the truth! I’m not one to have visions or extraordinary experiences with God, but I asked Him for a sign of consolation that I was listening to His heart for me, and he responded. When the Lord provides, He really provides. We got engaged, I finished my time as a missionary, Tyler got a dream job in the city where we wanted to live, I moved back to Florida, we found a house, and we were married shortly after. Here comes the fun part; we had never lived in the same town for more than a few months, let alone under the same roof. There was a lot of adjustment, sacrifice, and learning to be had in the beginning, but, if we’re being real, that what it takes to live the Sacrament of Matrimony for a lifetime. Just because the “Honeymoon phase” fades, doesn’t mean that love is gone. Love is an action that must be proved constantly and consistently even when we don’t feel like it. That sounds like an almost impossible feat, especially today, as we young adults try to navigate a world that demands that we choose comfort over sacrifice, and “me” over “us”, and relativity over the Truth. But it’s possible when we have Christ at the center; when He is our Divine Compass and union with the Father is our ultimate goal. I’m still new to this whole being married thing, but if I’m to leave you with any words of wisdom, it’d be these:
1. Trust that God has your best interests in mind. In His infinite wisdom, His timing is perfect.
2. My story is not your story is not his/her story. Don’t compare and lose hope; God’s not done.
3. Incorporate times of prayer and silent listening into your daily routine, both together as a family (especially if you have little ones) and individually.
4. If your engaged, or about to be, BE ENGAGED. It’s a period of time you will never have again, and it is glorious. Try not to let the planning of one special day interfere with the time you have together now and will have for 50+ years after.
5. If you’re single, BE SINGLE. It’s a period of time you may never have again, and it is glorious.