The Most Introverted Extrovert You Will Ever Meet
Hi, my name is Kelly and I’m the most introverted extrovert you will ever meet! Growing up I was the most outgoing person in the world. I would talk to everyone I would see and it wouldn’t take very long for a stranger to become a friend. Now, I feel like that’s not the case even in the slightest! The mere thought of going out and talking to strangers, or even making new friends just seems exhausting! I don’t know if it’s age or just the knowledge of how people can be that causes me to stay away, but it’s a big change from who I used to be.
Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love going out with my friends and having a good time (as long as I’m home by 9 of course!). I enjoy sitting around with a small group of friends and family to reminisce on good times that we’ve had and make new memories together. In fact, the moment I see my friends I become super extroverted. I talk non-stop (weather they want me to or not), I share way too much about my day, I crack jokes and sometimes even stop to listen to what they have to say. When I leave my friends I have this adrenaline going that can sometimes even keep me awake for hours because of all the excitement.
On the other hand, I absolutely love being by myself! I can sit and watch tv for hours or days without a care in the world or without even thinking about other human beings. I can go explore new places on my own, take walks, go to church and eat at restaurants all by myself and not even miss having company.
Why is it that I can be so extroverted one minute and so introverted another? I guess it comes from taking the time to appreciate what I have going for me and that I don’t need others around to be happy.
When I was in high school and college I was always around other people. I would spend most of my waking moments being social. Any excuse to spend time with another human being I’d run out the door! Once I joined “the real world” I found it more difficult to constantly spend time with others. I had to actually wake up early, work 40+ hours a week and actually get some sleep so I had energy for my job. I found it difficult to want to go out and spend time with my still in college friends who still had time to be social.
Sometimes on the weekend I would still spend time with those friends but eventually we would find less and less time to spend together. I guess that’s just the way life works. Sometimes people are friends because of circumstance. The few lifelong friends that I’ve made have luckily made this transition into “the real world” with me. We found ourselves getting together less often, but found joy in the same activities, like going out to dinner or spending time at our houses for a game night.
For a little while during that time I dealt with a lot of feelings of loneliness. I was getting older and still was not married and it didn’t seem like there were any possibilities out there, and a lot of the friendships that I had previously had seemed to drift away. There was an emptiness that I felt when I was at home by myself and I would always try to surround myself with other people so I didn’t have time for feelings. The problem was, that didn’t help either. I could be in a room with 100 other people and still feel like I was the only one there and that nobody cared about me. It wasn’t until I had a great conversion moment where I realized that it wasn’t loneliness I was feeling it was a longing for God. The moment I allowed God to enter into my life it’s like all of the loneliness I was feeling was washed away. Yes, I was physically alone at times, but not matter what I always had the love of God to see me through my days. After that conversion I really started to take a look at how I could improve my faith. I went to Mass as often as I could, I prayed daily and I started surrounding myself with other friends of the faith. I learned how to be still and to be silent, which for me was difficult, but now it’s the silence that I long for more than the chaos. Now some of the greatest adventures of my life are when I can go out and explore on my own. I just get in my car and drive to a park, church or town that I have never been to before and go wherever God leads me. Of course, it’s always nice to have someone join me, but I also find that I need time to do these things on my own to find joy in being by myself. It turns out I’m a pretty awesome person sometimes! I’ve learned that I don’t need people around to feel happiness, all I need is a God who loves me and an open heart!